PEOPLE PLEASER OR BOUNDARY SETTER!

We all know that campus dey jom! With all the activities, people, friends, relationships and even once a while a lecture might even be interesting and memorable. Sometimes it amazes me that students are so eager to go home for the holidays but once they get home then they are eager to come back to school again. Lets say school is just a necessary evil.  But then again, they say the end justifies the means. Are we really benefiting from all the fun and activities or are they just putting a strain on us?

I read something on someone’s Facebook profile page and it said that “Don’t allow school to get in the way of your education” At first I went like what the h*** is this person talking about? School IS education! Then I thought about it for a few seconds and it clicked. School is a place where we are supposed to learn and develop all aspects of our being; social, religious, psychological, you name it. The academics is just one aspect of it. But are we really developing, learning, improving on ourselves or we are just following? Are we benefiting and gaining or we are just pleasing others? Did you go to that club or church program because you really wanted to go or you just wanted to be accepted and approved by your group of friends?

People pleasing  is really a serious issue on our campuses. Students are smoking, drinking and even getting into relationships just to please others and be accepted and liked. Now I am definitely not a saint and am not trying to be judgmental. I mean if you are engaging in these activities as an adult knowing all the consequences then there is really no problem. But if it’s because of approval by another then it’s an issue. In any case, looking at the way our society works nowadays we all have to incorporate a little bit of people pleasing into our social lives so that we can network and meet the right people. This doesn’t have to be a habit anyway.

Just so you will appreciate my point better; remember those times when you really didn’t want to go to that program but you went because your friends will call you names if you don’t. Someone calls you and wants to hook up. You know your day is tight and you can’t make time. Instead of saying a direct no, you say “lets see how it goes”. You have a trailed course which your friends passed. The paper is to be written soon. It’s Friday night and everyone is going out to chill. Instead of crying your own cry and studying for the paper, you join the chilling wagon because you don’t want to be the odd one out to the detriment of your exam You are always agreeing in a conversation. You never state your stand in fear in rejection. You do not remember the last time you said ‘NO’. In fact ‘no’ is not in your dictionary. You are always emotionally tired because you are always making others happy at your own detriment. Despite your efforts you are always unappreciated and are treated like a doormat. If you find yourself in any of these situations, friend you must know that you are not a martyr and you will never be one so you need to be setting some boundaries!

Boundary setting is really not easy but so is changing any bad habit. You can do it your own way since you know yourself or your personality best or you can just follow these few tips. Whatever you choose make sure it suits you and it works for you. Also, relax and give it time, after all Rome wasn’t built in a day.

You may start with building some self love and take time for yourself .Give yourself little treats here and there. Give yourself a special breakfast on that lecture free day or buy that special dress you always wanted and rock it on that special date, spend more time with those who mean the most to you like your family and good friends. Always set your priorities before the semester begins and make sure all your friends know exactly who you are and what your priorities are. Practice saying ‘NO’ as well. In the beginning you will definitely feel guilty for saying no to your peeps and girls but hey they should be able to handle it. Voice out your opinions…all the time there is really nothing wrong with it. Learn to communicate your feelings to others and let them know firmly when they hurt you. And you don’t need constant validation from anyone. Stop being so hard on yourself, feel good and confident within yourself. Relax and enjoy life.  You don’t need to be a perfectionist because we all mess up sometimes and the world doesn’t stop rotating when we mess up!

So how many of us agree with me that we need a change on our campuses?……. My sentiments exactly!!